breaking the surface
It's tough coming back to this space after almost half a year away. The person who last wrote about a walk in the park and took pictures of magnolias last winter isn't exactly the same person as the one writing this post.
I've been drowning in motherhood. It's taken up all my energy. As a result, I've lost my equilibrium. I know this because I stopped writing. I stopped taking photos with my film cameras and my DSLRs. I even stopped faffing around with flatlays and pressing flowers and creating little curated knick knack displays at home. I stopped creating.
It's actually easy to let motherhood pull you under. It's all feed, play, sleep. And repeat and repeat and repeat. You don't have to think. You don't even have to put makeup on or proper jeans. What's more, as Aro gets older, life with him has become less of a grind and more of an adventure. It's now a real pleasure to hang out with him. This is great news but it also means that it's become even more enticing to let everything revolve around him.
I'm surprised at how it is to hold onto my identity - who1 I was before my husband and my child. It's even harder because I don't have a job to go back to and I think that if I did, it could serve a bit as an anchor. When people ask "What do you do?", most people reply with their job title.
"I'm a lawyer."
"I work in politics".
And now, "What do you do?"
"I'm a mother."
"I'm a wife."
That's not enough to sustain you.
So let's try again - "What do you do?"
Hang on. That's the wrong question. Let's ask "What do I want to do?"
So, here I am, writing myself back to the surface....writing myself back to an answer.
What do I want to do?